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And I had to have a job where I work daytime hours, because quite often, if Karen goes into work early, I have to take the children -- you know, get them ready and take them
to the daycare. And the daycare closes at 6:00. I finish work at 5:00, so I pick them up between 5:30 and 6:00 and so then I come home or try and start dinner, keep them entertained until Karen gets home. And so my days
are pretty full. Not as full as Karen's, but...KAREN: Sometimes more, in the fact that he takes a huge amount of taking care of the children away from me, because a lot of times, if I have a convention in the hotel,
I need to be at work at 6:00. So I get up at 4:00 and off I go. Right now the children are at two different places, so it means him [John] getting them ready in the morning, dropping them off at two different places and
being at work by 8:00. And then picking both of them up at the two different places and getting back here. And then fixing dinner, because there's times where I don't get home until 7:00 or 8:00 and it's not every day
of the week, and we have times where I'm home by 6:30. But when I do have -- when I'm working and working a lot of hours, it really all falls on him, and that's who I depend on.
SMITH: How important is your job to you? KAREN: Well, right now it's very, very important because...JOHN: For a number of reasons. I'm what they call a "temporary"
worker. I'm not a regular. There's no such thing anymore as a permanent. Once you become -- after you finish your temporary status, then you become what they call a regular employee.
But right now, as a temporary, I have no insurance. KAREN: No medical benefits. JOHN: So her job is imperative for our insurance
purposes. Also, her job's imperative to help us pay the mortgage here, and if we didn't have that, we would be selling the house, which, we even talked about that. We talk about that almost weekly, that we may just do
that.KAREN: It's a struggle. It's a struggle to know what's best. Whether you spend more time -- and I don't go in every day to the job that I do, and maybe try to find something else. But we really are at wits end
right now. SMITH: What's a typical work week like? I mean, you talk about working a 50 hour week, a 60 hour week an 80 hour week. Or does it vary? KAREN: Absolutely. JOHN: She never works a 40 hours week. KAREN: I work always a 50 hour week. That's the minimum number. 50
hours is my minimum. And then it fluctuates from there to I can work 90 hours in a week, I can work 50 hours in a week.I always have to have energy because I have to have energy at work. I mean, I really have to be
exuberant there because that's part -- that's what makes us survive. And then, when I come home, I can't take out any of that exuberance or energy, because my children haven't seen me, and they're the very, very best
part of my life along with my husband. So they don't understand what their mother's been through. So then you just turn it on a little bit more until 8:30, 9:00 when they go to bed. And then I basically follow them
right after that. SMITH: When you look at it all, what's the hardest part of it for you? When do you feel the worst bind or the worst stress? KAREN: Gosh, every day I worry about the type of mother I am, that I'm away from my children so much, and that I'm missing them growing up. It hurts me. My smallest one, Savannah, she went for the first time
last Tuesday to where Brittany goes to a play center. And I spent an extra hour there and, gosh, when I left, I was so emotional.And I don't know if it was because I finally was realizing she was growing up and she's
not a baby anymore, or if it's just I felt that I really wanted to be there longer and share a little more and just be a little more part of their lives, instead of this run to work, run home, have an hour with them
before they go to bed. I sometimes feel that I'm missing so much every day of them growing up. And it's not something you can go back to. That's a whole part I'm missing. And I'm sure any mother that works feels that.
It's not just because I work longer. I'm sure every mother struggles with that every day that they drop their child off, whether it be with a relative or with a daycare center. That they're missing items or things that
children do that you can't relive. It's really, really difficult. And every day I struggle that I'm not a very good mother, because I don't spend very much time with them, although, like we said before, we really try
and spend a lot of quality time. That it's just us. We never go out -- or very rarely go out for dinner with just each other. SMITH: Let me just broaden the question because you
really -- we need a little bit of context for what's going on here. And john, tell me a little bit about your job situation, where you were working, how long you worked there, what happened and where you are now?
JOHN: I had a great job. I worked for General Dynamics Corporation, the Convair Division and Space Systems Division, which started her in San Diego in 1933.And I worked for the
company for 13 years. As you probably know, California has always been very strong in the aerospace industry. But the aerospace industry is pretty gone. To say it's in serious decline is certainly an understatement, but
I had 13 years with them. I started out in management. I was a master scheduler. And I was what they call a production item managers in charge of coordination. So I spent a total of 17 years in the aerospace industry
and I really enjoyed all of it. It was challenging and it was good paying jobs, and from there, okay, that was it. So I was out, but I figured, here's my reasoning. I thought to myself, well, I've got a long period of
stable employment with a well-known company. Got my education. I'm not going to have too much problem getting a job. SMITH: And what kind of education was it? JOHN: I've got a bachelor of science degree from a four-year university, Utah State University. SMITH: Let me just ask you, how did you get to qualcom? How did you
find qualcom or how did they find you? JOHN: Qualcomm, as you probably know, is probably -- now it's the most well-known company to try and get on with in San Diego. It's replace
General Dynamics and it's an excellent company. And I had -- it's a very difficult process now, because it's become so popular. It's a difficult process to get hired on with them. And many of the positions are
through temporary agencies. And I had a friend of mine that I had been -- when I worked at General Dynamics, she and I got hired on the same day, laid off, brought back and finally out the door the same day. And she was
having a difficult time finding a job also. And I was encouraging her to apply at Qualcomm, and in order to get on with Qualcomm, you had to go through this temporary agency. And this company is a -- it's a joint
venture between Qualcomm and Sony. It's called QPE, Qualcomm Personal Electronics. And we do the manufacturing for the state-of-the-art cellular phones for Qualcomm. SMITH: So
what do you do and what kind of pay have you got relative back to the old general dynamics job? JOHN: My pay is probably about 2/3rds of what I was getting. SMITH: And what are you doing? JOHN: I am a material coordinator, and I help furnish the material to the assembly lines to build our product. And I've always been, you
know, involved with that type of work in one way or another, in one capacity or another. SMITH: So you feel like you're getting a little bit back in the groove. JOHN: Yes, and one interesting thing is the first week was a little bit difficult just because you're trying to learn a new job and everything is different and there's many new faces and, you know, I was
surprised how it took me several weeks, if not longer, to get in the groove and do the regular thing. But my goodness, I'm certainly glad that I am back in the regular groove and soon, I hope to become what they call a
"regular" employee. I haven't missed any days. I've been on time. And that's one thing the temporary agencies look at, along with your work performance. And I'd like to think my work performance has been what
they wanted, because I certainly want to make a good impression and...KAREN: I know a lot of times he feels very guilty about, you know, the fact that I work so long. And often he says, I wish I made more money so
that you don't have to keep going to doing what you have to do every day. And I explained to him that I would work, probably, even if I didn't need to in some sense. Maybe not the way I do now, but I know that bothers
him a lot of times. I know it bothered him when he was out of work. And he certainly, in the whole time he was out of work, trudged the sidewalks every single day. I used to feel so sorry for him because he got so
depressed. It wasn't because he didn't look. But it's been really challenging. We laugh, because we always think, gosh, if our marriage stayed together after all that we've been through, through this, we can do anything.
Children change your marriage, but then having children and then being one person not working, put that much pressure on it, too. SMITH: What's it like at Qualcomm? I mean, is
it a good place to work? The atmosphere, the feel? JOHN: Well, you really -- in my case, I don't have time to think about it. I do think about it every day. It's -- being a
temporary worker, it's a little bit demeaning. I don't really like it, but I have to accept that that's the way it is. There's no more unions. However, it's in many ways, it's better than some of the things we put up
with at General Dynamics, because there it was -- General Dynamics was very much, in many cases, well, there were some unpleasant things in the management styles, and some of the threats, and there were many cases where
the management had to work extra hours and weren't compensated for it. But that's just what they thought they had to do to keep their jobs.So now, Qualcomm is, it's certainly state-of-the-art. It's a great company.
They build a great product. And I think everyone is glad to be a part of it. And I don't know whether -- it will be interesting to see if -- how long it will last. SMITH: Tell
me now -- let me come back to the kids a little bit. Karen, John is spending a lot of time with the kids. Do you feel as though -- you were talking earlier about missing things. Do you feel you're as close to them as you want to be? KAREN: No. There's times we've sat at -- there's comments that especially
Brittany makes where she says, oh, Daddy's my best friend. And one time I said, well, Mommy's your best friend. And she said, no, because you're never here. It's like somebody is putting a dagger in your heart. But
there's no way -- there really isn't a way around it right now. My goal is to spend more time with my children and to -- I think it's going to get harder.Right now, we can put them in a daycare center, and we can put
them in there at 7:00 and pick them up at 6:00. But you know, when they start kindergarten, it's a half day, and somebody has to pick them up, or they have to be shipped off to another day care facility again. And also,
they get involved, as they get older, in more sports and we want them to be. The soccer, the ballet, and somebody has to be there to take them. And so definitely it's something to consider, what becomes your focus and
really, if this works out with his job, my focus is to start spending some time with my children. I know I'm not as close as I want to be with them. They're two little girls growing up awfully quickly, and they have a
mother here half the time. Maybe sometimes an hour a day. And that's what they see of me. That's not enough. That's not enough. It's a struggle. And you go through it every day at work. I mean, my whole office is
surrounded by pictures of my children. Just because I feel like that's when I get to see them. SMITH: You mentioned day care centers. You take your two children to two different
day care centers. Is there a day care center where you work? KAREN: No. No. There is no day care center run by the corporation that I work for. And actually, we only took them to
two different places because of Savannah being under a year and a half could not go to the same day care center as Brittany.She has just started going last week, two days a week, and probably may eventually go there
five days, but I also have a very good girlfriend that takes care of her -- and her mother that take care of her the other three days, or have been since I went back to work with her at three months old. SMITH: What's a day like? You mentioned, i think, at one point, getting up at 4:00 to get there at 6:00. Can you walk me through a day, the two of you? Why don't you start out? And then when John gets to the
point where he kicks in, he can kick in. Walk me through a day. KAREN: If I have a group in the hotel, I will typically get up about 4:00 or 4:15. I'll get in the shower. I'll
get dressed. And I'll leave.I try to get as much ready as far as the childrens' bags, to go before I leave so that, when John gets up, gets showered, and then has to get the children up and dress them, that he can
pretty much pick up their lunches and bags and pick them up and get in the car, and then drop them off at their respective places. SMITH: Okay, so John, you're getting up. She's
left at 6:00. JOHN: Yeah, get in gear. So get the children up and dressed. SMITH: About what time?
JOHN: That's -- probably right around 6:00. KAREN: You get up. We try to let the children sleep as long as they're still sleeping.JOHN: Okay. I'll get the children up, let's
say, 6:30. And get them dressed and brush their hair, put the dog out, maybe get them something to eat. And put them in the car and, in most cases, I'll drop Brittany off at one place and I'll take her in and then
open her yogurt cup and get her signed in and give her a big hug and kiss and tell her I love her and then I have to run out to the car and drive a ways, and drop the other girl off with Angelina. And give her a kiss
goodbye and then jump on the freeway and by that time, I'm looking at my watch. It's about twenty to eight and depending on what's the traffic flow -- fortunately my work is only ten miles away. But still, the traffic
doesn't always seem to move as quickly as you want. And then I'm looking at my watch. I've got to be there at 8:00. Don't be late. Then I'll go punch the clock and hey, most of the time when I punch in, it's 7:58 or
7:59, and no later than 8:00, but I'm doing it. SMITH: And at the other end of the day, coming home? JOHN: Okay, so then when my work day
is finished at 5:00, I punch out. Back in the car. The longest part is trying to get on the freeway which takes just as long as, once I'm on, to get home. Then I get on the freeway and I'll pick up the first girl right
at 5:30 and over to the next girl's place of pickup at quarter to 6:00. And then usually -- there's a market right over there and pretty much every day, I'll stop in that market and buy something for dinner.Come
home. Start to cook the dinner, which is -- that's getting around 6:15, 6:30, around that time. And of course they always need something, a little bit of entertaining or something. And trying to cook dinner with --
especially the small one, because she's been a little bit spoiled by this loving grandma type that attends her. She always wants to be picked up and held. And so I'm trying to do that and bring the dog in and -- the
bills? Yeah, I'll get to them one of these days. And then I cook dinner, and then by the time Karen gets home around, well, it's rarely before 7:00. It's most of the time 7:00 or later. And then we'll sit down and it
seems, to be honest with you, we try to sit down, but one of us is probably up in the kitchen trying to get something for the kids or somebody or -- it's rare that we can usually sit down together. SMITH: Okay, we've got you to that point. And then, Karen, you walk in the door. What do you feel when you walk in the door? What do you see? What's it like? Is home a relief or do you think, oh, my god, it's
the second shift? I mean, what's it like? JOHN: Usually the children are running up, mommy, mommy, mommy!KAREN: You know, it's a relief because I get to see them, but let me
tell you, the first thing you want to do is take off your clothes that you wore to work. And I can't go on my own. I can't go on my own to the bathroom. That's okay. You know what, they're my girls. They want to be
with me. I love that fact. They come with me. We do whatever. I take off my clothes. I get into just whatever I need to wear. But there's not a moment on your own. There's not. It is second shift. It's a new,
different focus. You're back at home. Now, gosh, you may be as tired as all can be, but you can't show that to your children that you haven't spent the day with. So you go into a different mode and you entertain them
and you play with them and you talk to them. And that's what it's all about. I chose to be a mother. Nobody told me that I had to be one. So you go into that mode until you put them to bed at 8:30, 9:00 and then you
just -- I'm exhausted. I usually go to bed right after them. Clean up the kitchen and then try to get their bags ready for the next day. Oh, the dog has to be walked. JOHN: And the children have to have a bath most of
the nights. And I always feel it's very important to read to them. So it's always one book but, ah, they'll usually get two, or sometimes they'll worm three out of me. SMITH: Do
you feel like, Karen, that work's getting more out of you than the kids are, and maybe you're better at work than you are at home? Or how do you feel? KAREN: I feel that every
day. I really do. I feel -- although I will tell you, there are days, after the weekend, where I'm relieved to go to work. Because you know, I talk to adults. I do what I want to do. But most of the time, yes. And I've
never known anything else. I've never just spent all my time with my children. Besides a short period of time after you have them, I've not been home with them every day.JOHN: And I'm so thankful to be working again,
and I'm really thankful that I can work hours that I need to work in order to balance with our children. And you know, there's many people who have to work -- they may have to work a third shift. We're very blessed in
most ways. And when I consider the single parents, I don't know how we'd deal with it, as many single parents have to. But there's millions of single parents who have to deal with it daily. And my heart goes out to
them. I'm not sure -- jeez, we work as a team so much, boy, trying to think of what it would be like if we had to do it on our own. It would be -- it's pretty -- a little bit staggering. [Back to top] |
